The weekly 5

Brought to you...as irregularly as possible.
Letter from the Editor: Dear subscribers, suck mine. As editor of this distinguished organization,i ,kennth lobo,would like to introduce you to the “Kannada wing” of the marredpally weekly.its members kennethlobo-editor kennethlobo-printer kennethlobo-publisher kennethlobo-owner joy deep pondugotti-silent bystander vignesh srinivasan-tamil bassist and silent bystander.
We hope you enjoy reading news from around our world.please send all wishes to above email id.thank you.
~~word from the Nataka.~~ *recently my good friend and bystander..joydeep sonof happy,was thrown out of his home for being around too much.it is to be known that he is offically "jobless and bootless".his contribution to the kannada wing of this magazine has been little or nothing.on being contacted for an interview,his reply was "salpaa adjust maadi."
needless to say,happy,im not very happy. this is for the record.
*famed tamil bassist and currently wannabe engineer,mr vignesh "teach me to drive a car" srinivasan was recently thrown out of a blood donation camp on account of being underweight. his pleas and protests went unnoticed. but the chennai classical singers organisation has promised to support this star from yesteryear by supplying him a years supply of curd rice. mr.vignesh srinivasan had no comments.
*country liquor and fenny baron mr.nishanth bandaru was recently thrown out of colege on disciplinary grounds.apparently he was drunk on the nearest beach.he was last seen singing a chinese folk song "someone chewed mine".

*THIS JUST IN:mr vasu "racist" devan has being held back for one year according to clasdestine reports from osmania university. he did not pass his papers. party will b prganised by tribal,black & co asap. this is to b a surprise party,coz vasu doesnt kno his marks as of now. this news particularly satisfies kenneth "crippled" lobo,who was nearly abused to death by the man in question.

NEW SECTION: ~~MEMORIES~~(your weekly 'walk down memory lane',by our special correspondunt)
1)the day tandan changed my life-by rohit bandaru*(name changed for security reasons) AS TOLD TO OUR REPORTER:
-->"it was just another night.tandan had called me for just another night at the bar.but tonight was differnt...he was wearing the same shirt he was wearing yesterday....his socks..smelt funny..ahhha..there was SOMETHING ABOUT HIM. what surprised me the most ...was that v didint go to 10 downing as usual..instead i found my self with tandan at 'kamadhenu bar & restaurant'..a strange choice for some1 whose father charges 4 times the price. as i was sllooooowly sucking.umm..sipping my drink...i felt a hand go under the table and touch my inner thigh. at this point mr.rohit "sexually harassed" bandaru began to break down and cry.therefore....more details cannot b divulged.
if our readers can rememebr correctly,mr.tandan was fired from the weekly office on "undisclosed" grounds.well, theyre not really "undisclosed" anymore.
2)THE LAST TIME V HAD A JOLLY-JORGY:(by ancoosh reddy) AS TOLD TO OUR REPORTER: jest i was sitting upon the terrace with joylu.what a vision it was..i could able to c yeverything with my naaked eyes!as he told me (%#%#!@@%%)..i">%@$@#^&^^$@%%>%#%#!@@%%)..i felt something in my pants...go...limp. the whole fucking football team?what the fuck? id rather die.but no,...it was not to be. AT THIS POINT MR.REDDY WENT INTO A TRANCE......the following are transcripts of his trance. aaaa......moan,...uuhh....yeah baby....DT..suck me do me... joy.....fuck man...u make me soooooooooooooo haaaaapyy....ugggghhhh........dam vasu...u have a smmmmmmmmaaaaalll chinnnaaaa
dick..........aaaaaaa.....hhhh.....viggy....viggy?AAAAAHH!!stop stop............................uhhgg...yes..ssss...i like the rhythm vishal..feellss..sooo biological....n rohit....keep playing with my strings...aaaaaaaaahhh.............the feels sooooo gooodd.....CLIFF?
THAT WAS THE END OF OUR "DOWN MEMORY LANE SECTION". PLEASE PUT THEM BACK IN YOUR PANTS.

!!news from the pally!! im a fucking reporter or what? fuck off. i dont even live in the pally ne more. hmph.

MUSIC NEWS: -->following the split up of air band "FART" lead bassist tamil vignesh "spice" sreenivasan has announced the release of his new feat album "VIGGY FEAT. MA HOMIES". this album....out this christmas features the new singles "teach me to drive","teach me to keep","amma appa freestyle",and a cover version of britneys "im a slave 4u".
-->mr.dhurv "suck my fiddle" tandan is on the verge of screwing up his virst violin performance.in view of the screwup,to make the event worth EVERY FUCKING rupee,audience will be provided with free egg and tomato,and the violin will be painted like a bulls eye.and the violinist will b wearing a shirt in honour of kurt kobain..."rape me". following the concert,free snacks and tea will b provided outside the venue by mr.vasu devan.
-->watching his peers dominate the music scene for long enough,castaway mr.nishant "mangala" bandaru has formed his own band called "the pink panzies inc" ..in goa.altho the band sounds like shit..im told they do good when the booze is free.lead guitarist mr.bandaru has personally said "right now,as long as the booze is free,the band will remain together." mr.joydeep has expressed interest in buying the band as the booze is free.
free?

MISS.SELL-A-NEOUS: -->love struck mr.ancoosh reddys impending haircut has stirred up a hornets nest.the muslim fatwa board issued an ultimatum folowing which mr.reddys girfriend bought hima hair removal cream.however..he was dumped next day as he applied it on the lower waist and posterior region. need more b said?
-->bandaru family re union:in an unprecedented move...the whole bandaru clan has rushed to padmaja plaza (HQ) for a sudden family re union.issues such as rahuls marriage,rahuls marriage and rahuls marriage were discussed.several proposals from chennai have been taken into consideration,including several highly qualified brahmin girls...shwetha..muthu..deepika....shreya..(black girls)..chaamu,jyothi,mangala,sweety,bubbly-kutty (white girls) have been shotlisted.plz watch this space for more.


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CALLING CHORLIE,ALPHO,DELTAA,MUNNU AND OTHERS.PLZ REPLY TO WEEKLY AS SOON AS IT IS READ. hey guys.i kno iv lost a lil creativity,hell,im in mangalore. my surgery has been cancelled...will take 2 months to b back. mail me back.lots n lots of lou.. from the land wheer the sky touches the beach,where the nightingale cant stop playing her i-pod, my ass, kenny.

>> Manchester United> True Red Devils.>

Weekly 4

-------------------------The athens Bimonthly Fortdaily---------------------


Soccer sensations:
Manchester united was being bought over by a bunch of fat lards of americans. This caused waves of pale and pasty british fans to chug immense amounts of cold milk and throw up on mirrors or other highly reflective surfaces. This massive change had ripples reaching far shores where India's favorite 'Second place is all we can dream of" PPUFC had members in a fit of rage and mostly confusion doing a very poor rendition of 'the las Ketchup' song in pink ballet uniforms, white tights with grey charlie chaplin shoes. The previous sentence was entered in the competition for the world's longest sentence at the guinness book of world records but was put to shame by a little longer , equally useless and much lamer sentence written up and EMAILED in by Dhruv'I have given up using the computer' Tandan.


"Dude where's my Naidu" Hyderabad
With our only on location reporter taking a vacation after a severe bout of hay fever and genital warts, we are going to make up the news as we go along. Joy "U quiz me I kill you" Rao had an unexpected win at the tournament, beating ace champ Satyaki"I was on Bournvita quiz in 8th grade"Prasad and decided to rub it in by shoving his trophy up Mr. Prasad's ass.Vasu"CBIT"Dev was last seen crying when his lovable seniors had left college and reminisced those good ragging days. Ken lobo was hit by a drunk cycle rider at 4am when he was sleep walking and decided to water the plants under marredpally flyover without a hose.On a reminiscing note we should remember the very resourceful Dhruv"Schlong" Tandan who when was just a little five year old BOY , always managed to find something to "play" with even though he wasn't around any toys.

Athens"No olympics EVER here, Dumbass" Ohio
The Bandaru brother whose makes up the other half of the combined bandaru brothers weight is trying to stay grounded after the much deserved praise from Joy"deep"Rao on his Hi5 picture which has no productive value of any kind. Rahul was first utterly confused when asked to talk about david copperfield on the phone with the Tandman(with a conflicting "no dont tell that bastard" in the background) , which he had only read when he was as short as Joy in 9th grade. But after a quick email from his brother and others at the same time and a quick viewing of the game, He , like his intelligent counterparts in hyderabad figured it out on the first watch. With a humane touch all he has a little tip for dhruv - "Poker is not a guess game, you have to count all the cards to win everytime".He was last seen eyeing an icecream cone in a kid's hand.

Entertainment News:
The Popular and always in the news band AIR - sucks.

*This paper was short on sweet since the editor shot himself watching reality tv and the assistant ed. had a small break between classes where he was bored. More people will be highlighted in the next issue, depending on funding *ahem*.

Copyright this * Biatch.

weekly 3

--------------------------------- THE BANGALORE HERALD -----------------------------
NAMAKARAN :
JCH : Expressing his feelings here today an emotional Joy “not so happy” Rao has said that it was a shame that the other co-founders/owners Dhruv “hurting me” Tandon and Kennith “naming me names” Lobo have behaved in a fashion best forgotten as it has hurt the reputation of the club. Their recent brawl at the clubs board meeting at “the home of joy” has only prompted him to leave the club and also divest his share to Vasu “production gang” Dev who he thinks is the right man to ‘control n tame’ the other Co-owners. At this point however the return of Rohit “I just remenered I returned” Bandaru has objected to the transfer of shares as he thinks that the proximity of his house to JCH gives him the right to own a stake in the club. The clubs members shall decide this at its next Board “brawl” meeting in August.

OVERHEARD :
PADMAJA PLAZA 5TH FLOOR :In a shocking incident today, at the clandestine meeting of Dhruv “conspiring” Tandon and Kenneth “traitor” Lobo it was revealed that they plan to close down the PPUFC which was built with great love and warmth and replace it with Pansy Doves United FC. This was done in order to stop Joy “even deeply hurt” Rao from selling his share to Vasu “fuck off to bangalore re” Dev. We shall keep you informed about the developments.

COLLEGE CRAZYNESS :
PALACE ROAD : After repeated outbursts from the Pally pansies such as “stick that iPOD up ur ass” and “ull eventually need a pair of titties” Joy “happy-pansy” Rao has finally been successfully in making a friend. He was last seen singing “My happiness” by powderfinger.

ENTERTAINMENT NEWS :
FERNHILL GARDENS BANG. : Ex- band member and AIR loyalist Joy “now WH-AIR do I go” Rao has decided to sue AIR and its band members especially Dhruv “suck mine” Tandon for taking all the renumeration and credit for the double platinum hit of their album “THE WIND”. The ex band member now plans to start a band tentatively titled “HAILSTORM” to wipe away the success of “AIR”.

MISCELLANEOUS :
PADMAJA PLAZA : On the recent trip to Tirupati it was heard that God was significantly impressed by Nishant “ Go Goa 365 days” and Rohit “ill pukka come” Bandaru and had given ‘em whatever they wished for. Last heard Rohit wished for a room of Invader Zim episode CDs and wished that it never stops. Nash on the other hand has asked God for better girls in his college and turn the fortunes of his brother Nihar “woah NASR !!” Bandaru onto him.

PANJAGUTTA : Ancoo “babu-lover” was last seen being pounded by Vasu “solid hair” Dev for having cigarettes. Vasu who also has incidentally lost his cellphone has decided to cut his hair after countless insults and being compared to various kinds of aborginies.
That’s all for this edition of the HERALD.

All wights weservwed 2005.

The Marred Pally weekly 2

*************** THE MARREDPALLY WEEKLY ®***********************

HEADLINES

PLAYER TESTS POSITIVE FOR BANNED SUBSTANCES
Padmaja Plaza: In a shocking revelation, Pink Pansies Utd. defender Rohit "Medikit" Bandaru failed a routine drug test in which he tested positive for the banned substance nandrolone, novocaine and several other harmful drugs. When confronted by the press, Mr Bandaru strongly denied the allegations and termed the press "Conspirating Ba******". However, Mr Bandaru was fighting a losing battle as the drugs were seen mysteriously oozing out of his ears and nose, most probably due to an overdose. This incident could result in atleast two years of prison for Mr. Bandaru Co-founder of PPUFC, Kenneth "Give me an Aww" Lobo remarked, "This is indeed bad news for us, but he wasn't that great anyway. Screw him." However, the other half of the Bandaru brethren , Nishant "Pain Hurts" Bandaru, optimistically remarked " Tis but a shame to lose Rohit at a time like this, but this only increases my chances of being in the starting line-up, so I'm not complaining. " The incident comes two weeks after B "Babu" Ancoosch and Nihar "Air-band wannabe" Bandaru were imprisoned for consuming the same harmful substances. When asked to comment from his jail cell, Mr. Ancoosch said, "Rohit and I have a long legacy together, and it is only befitting that we end up in the same jail cell." Rohit Bandaru was last seen in a remote part of town trying in vain to destroy the evidence.

STAR PLAYER SUES PPUFC
JCH : Star defender J Vasudev has taken legal action against players of PPUFC for repeatedly calling him names like "Fatty", "Bulky", "Big Momma" etc. Mr. Vasudev claims the name-calling has caused him extreme emotional distress and is suing members of PPUFC for a whopping Rs. 3 million in damages. The lawsuit has caused utter chaos in the offices of PPUFC, the members of which are fearing bankruptcy. When PPUFC tried to get into touch with their lawyer, Mr. Joydeep "Indian Penal Code" Rao, they realised that Mr. Rao had quit his job to take a long vacation in Bangalore. Co-founder/manager/board member of PPUFC, Dhruv "Sambar" Tandan who is having sleepless nights over the issue, remarked, "I never thought that !@#$$() son of a %$#(* mother ^%$#! Bas^$*& would take us to court over an issue like this." It is obvious Mr. Tandan will think twice before calling people names again.

ENTERTAINMENT NEWS

"WIND" GOES DOUBLE PLATINUM. BAND ON CLOUD NINE.
Mahendra Hills: The debut album of air rock band "AIR" touched 2 million in sales, in the process making it's members instant superstars in the air-rock circuit. The band owed their success to their immaculate song-writing and individual instrumental prowess. Air-Drummer Nishant "Ulrich" Bandaru remarked "We worked hard and we knew this was coming.....but double platinum...woah...that's radical !! " The incredible response to the album has encouraged the band to embark on a world wide tour starting with a huge concert at home-base Mahendra Hills. The band has already begun auditioning for groupies ahead of the big tour. For the uninitiated, groupies are sluts who sleep with the band-members on their tours. Already Kenneth Lobo, Rohit Bandaru and Nihar Bandaru have expressed an interest for the posts. After their success, the band lashed out at their ex- air vocalist Mr. Joydeep "BBM" Rao, who betrayed his band-mates over a stupid three year course in whichever college it was. The band also expressed it's contempt towards real musicians, dismissing them as "guys with no imagination". Band manager/owner/air-bassist Dhruv "AIR-man" Tandan was last seen practising on his air-bass guitar into the wee hours of the night.


KENNY'S CORNER

KENNY "BACKSTABBED" LOBO WAS BACKSTABBED.NEEDLESS TO SAY HE'S FEELING BACKSTABBED
Padmaja Plaza: Zubin "Backstabbing/sob/asshole/lemme at him" Whatsislastname has refused to comment. Apparently, he's feeling like a backstabber. Several human right organizations have come forward to castrate him. Mr. Lobo, appalingly however, strongly believes in family planning. Even threats by the famed "Kojja society near Lamba" to proceed with the procedure using local anesthesia have not deterred Mr. Lobo from his views on family planning. Srinidhi Raghavan (middle name withheld due to fear of mass riots) has been banned from interacting with any members of PPUFC. She has also been banned from sleeping with members of the award winning multi platinum air band "AIR".


MISCELLANEOUS

Tirupati: In a jaw dropping move, the famed Bandaru clan decided to beg for forgiveness for the sins of their son, Rohit Bandaru, who was caught in possesion of drugs. The immediate move was to head for the Big Man upstairs. All he had to say,according to highly placed sources inside Tirupati, was "The grass is greener on the other side."
Padmapriya Apts: The girl-pulling and jaw-dropping tollywood superstar, famous for his thong dance in Chiranjeevi's latest flick, "NEE AMMA", Joydeep sonuvaRao, made a surprise appearance at his home here in the pally today. The silent neighbourhood witnessed scenes of chaos and bra-panty ejection, as the star made his way into his posher than posh 16 billion dollar home. However, pictures are not currently available due to the able efforts of one nepali "Ramu", who seemed to kick reporter ass. However,the Pally Weekly has searched out its archives and found on file an old pic, which must suffice.
That's all for now. Keep yourself posted on happenings in the Pally by reading THE MARREDPALLY WEEKLY.......the only weekly that matters.

©Copyright Dhruv "Dookie" Tandan and Kenneth "Son of Stanley Ignatius" Lobo
Please send feedback to the editor-in-chief.

The marredpally weekly 1

HEADLINES:
CO-FOUNDERS IN NAME ROW
JCH: Co-owners/Board members/Star players of Pink Pansies United FC, Kennneth Mario Lobo and Dhruv "Dookie" Tandan were involved in a row regarding name rights of their football club. While Mr. Tandan insisted the original name was his preferred choice, Mr. "Dimwit" Lobo has proposed a change to "The White Doves of Peace FC". After many insults directed at each other and their families, and many shouts of "Let's take this outside !! ", "That's a shitty name !!", the two parties have come to a standstill with neither budging from their stands. At this point, it is evident that both Mr. Tandan and Mr. Lobo are missing the decision-making prowess of the third co-owner/board member/star player Mr. Joy "Happy" Rao , who has abandoned his hometown football club in search of greener pastures and better team-mates. Mr. Rao was last seen entering his new four-bedroom apartment with two young girls in very suggestive attire.

INTEREST IN DEFENDER AND KEEPER
Apollo: After last week's matches against PPUFC, Apollo FC have expressed an interest in PPUFC star goalkeeper Shravan "Homie" Reddy and bulky defender J "Fatty" Vasudev. Apollo FC have started talks with members of PPUFC and are ready to pay a Rs. 2 million transfer fee for both players. However, representatives of PPUFC have insisted their defensive duo are not for sale because it would leave them very weak at the back for the oncoming arduous season. Mr. Vasudev was last seen trying to tye his long hair into a ponytail.

BANDARU BROS. ASKED TO TRAIN HARD
Padmaja Plaza: Fringe-players Rohit "Sprain" Bandaru, Nishant "Diamond-Point" Bandaru as well as B "Mustaine" Ancoosch have been asked to train hard if they want to have any chance of breaking into the first team at PPUFC. The brothers, out of touch for about a year, have unquestionable talent but have to prove that their best is not behind them. The younger Bandaru was last seen spraying Iodex on his sore shins. Meanwhile Mr. Ancoosch is seen as a bright prospect for the seasons to come but has to convince PPUFC that his main priority is not drumming away to glory.

ENTERTAINMENT NEWS
"AIR" BEGIN RECORDING FIRST ALBUM
Mahendra Hills: Promising air rock-band "AIR" have begun the recording of their first album, tentatively titled "WIND". The band was heard jamming at the the residence of owner/founder/air-bassist Dhruv "AIR-man" Tandan, who is the man behind other such air bands as "THE BREEZE" and "STRATOSPHERE" , which however failed to take-off. The current line-up includes Nishant "Wh-AIR the hell" Bandaru on air-drums and J "AIR-Brain" Vaseudev on air-lead guitar. However, the band were without a vocalist after the departure of Joydeep "Main-man" Rao who left his hometown band in search of a better air-band. The band are yet to recover from his loss because of the shortage of air-vocalists in the city. Meanwhile Kenneth Mario Lobo, Rohit Bandaru, Ancoosch and Nihar Bandaru are looking desperately for employers after they were found ineligible to be members of "AIR" on account of their prodigious musical talent.


That's all for now. Don't forget to subscribe to "THE MARREDPALLY WEEKLY"

weeklies!

i have decided to put some of the weeklies on here

And here we go

lets see how this works out.
First gotta find some bums to post on here